oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
