Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
