I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
