what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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