I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
