I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
