i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I want to have your abortion
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
