when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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