just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
