Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I see more hoeing in ur future
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