Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
