its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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