Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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