So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
