My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
