You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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