my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
