why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
