Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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