I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
