she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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