I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
