Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
