Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I love you. Go after that dick
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
