I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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