Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Randomize
