im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
