do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
