Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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