Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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