I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
