i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
