there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
