This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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