I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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