Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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