i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
