guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
