Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
