why didn't you poke me back
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
