I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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