Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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