ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
