He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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