hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
