I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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