When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
