It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
