forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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