Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
