ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
