we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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